Monday, 11 August 2014
Thoughts About Being On My Own Again
Finally I have decided to go back and edit my old unpublished posts. So if you're still interested and don't mind reliving my last year with me here are my thoughts from my time in Singapore back in May 2013.
On my third day in Singapore I had a slight crisis of confidence. Where as in the past I had jumped feet first in to my exploring and being a tourist in Singapore things happened more slowly. Maybe I was out of practice. Maybe it was a hangover from the emotional rollercoaster I had recently been on. Maybe I was actually getting, gasp, old?! Whatever the reason as I wandered round the botanical gardens under the impression that my camera was out of action for the day I felt my spirits slump. The enthusiasm I usually had for new places was missing and I wondered if it would have been the same if someone else had been with me? In short I felt a little bit lonely, a little but sorry for myself and annoyed that the life I thought I loved might have ended so soon.
After lunch and finding my camera battery though I got lost in my photography. I ‘m far from professional and I don’t have the talent of some of my friends but I love being behind the camera. I love trying to capture my subjects at just the right time and though I do edit I feel great satisfaction when I look at a shot and think, nope, doesn’t need a thing done to it. I didn’t know what I wanted to do in Singapore and it did leave me feeling a little lost but then it’s only by being lost that we find things, unexpected things.
On my first two days in Singapore by early afternoon I was feeling low and lost yet on both days something happened to turn my day around. On day one it was the Lego art and the cityscape at night. Then the next day it was spending hours with my camera taking hundreds of photos, dozens of them of the same subject over and over. So by day three I was feeling more like my old self. I really looked into what Singapore had to offer and discovered it is more than a city of shopping. I want to go back and do the things I missed. I don’t regret not looking into it more before hand, I learnt in America that the wait and see method suits me best.
Looking back it wouldn’t have been the same with someone else. Even when I am with a patient and understanding friend there are only so many photos you can take before feeling like you are wasting their time. I arrived in Singapore a little wrung out and jetlagged. I left rejuvenated and ready to get back to my life in Australia. I was going to get on that boat. I was going to have a sunny winter. And once I was ready I was going to go to New Zealand. Maybe....whatever happened I felt myself once more and I knew I was in the right place, for now.