I have occasionally joked that I am not afraid of anything
except spiders. As you can imagine this isn’t exactly true, for one thing I
detest cockroaches and other flying bugs. I have been called brave because I indulge
my passion for travel and new places but there is a price to pay for this. The
price is fear. I love my life. I currently live in a beautiful place, have a
good job with decent people and even have a few friends at the hostel. Life is
good, very good and this terrifies me. Whilst I like my job and believe that I
am rather good at it I have been worrying that others do not think so and that
I shall not be able to keep it as we move in to the off season and the other
day I realised why. It’s nothing that’s been said or done by my bosses or co-workers
it’s my past. I had a good life once, in fact a great life. I was happy and
thought I had it all sussed then one day without warning it was gone. I
realised now that subconsciously I have been waiting for this to happen all
over again. I’ve been waiting for my new life to be taken away from me too.
It’s so obvious when I think about it and I can see how it
has coloured my behaviour. I have survived having my life shattered once and I
believe if it happens again I would survive that too but of course I don’t want
to. However losing this job wouldn’t be life shattering, just a little
disappointing. I have to believe in myself. I have to believe that if it
doesn’t work here then I shall pick myself up and move on like I have done many
times before. Hopefully it won’t come to that though.
Seeing my behaviour for what it is means I am able to change
it. At work I am being more proactive about learning more skills and showing
how flexible I can be. I am pushing myself forward and commenting when I think
I’ve done a good job instead of pointing out my mistakes. I’m working at being
the best me I can and even if after all that there aren’t enough hours then I
shall move on. I have learnt a lot over the last couple of months in Broome. My
restaurant and bar skills have improved and expanded and now I feel I have
taken yet another step in accepting and embracing my new life. Like every place I have visited before Broome
has changed me and this time I feel those changes are for the better. Having
said that I really hope my time here isn’t over yet.
