Heartbeat

My dearest Jonathan

You were my north, my south,

My east and west.

You were my guiding light,

And all the rest.

You taught me much, showed me more,  `

And gave to me your heart.

So though my love you left too soon,

Your heartbeat carries on.

You'll always be remembered,

Our souls for’er entwined

The echo of you heartbeat,

Forever heard in mine.

For every breath and every step,

I never take alone.

For in my heart and in my soul,

Your heartbeat carries on.

Love always, your Lynne x

Poem: I remembered

Yesterday I remembered you were gone,

The sadness squeezed such tears from me.

I cried out my hurt and fear of this life,

And I wished for you back by my side

Oh to remember the times that we had,

The years filled with laughter and joy.

The times we both cried when life let us down,

The love that we shared pulled us through.

Then there’s the smiles and love that you gave,

Spinning me round but not letting me fall,

These made me fall in the most basic way,

Your strong arms kept me close to your heart.

Today I remember how you were here,

And the memory makes me smile once again.

I wish you were here and not gone away,

But the memories you left will live on.

Thoughts on Never Ending Grief

Recently I’ve come to the conclusion that we never stop grieving and I don’t think we should. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not suggesting that all widows should hang about their houses like Miss Haversham but I think that grief can be incorporated into who I am now and into the life I now live. I believe the best tribute I can give Jonathan is too live my life as well as I can. I no longer spend every second of the day thinking of him and wishing he were still here. Most days I think of him from time to time but as the next ‘anniversary’ date approached he has obviously been in my thoughts more and no matter how much time passes he will always have been taken from us too soon and it will never be fair.

Therefore I think that it’s healthy to take time out of my life every now and then and just grieve. I feel it is right for me to occasionally dedicate time to remember how it was and be sad that it is no more. I still miss Jonathan. I still love him and I doubt I will ever stop and it hurts that he is not here to receive and return that love. I need to take the time out to acknowledge this so I can spend the rest of my time living and loving my new life as well as I can.

Work, Taking a Wrong Turn and Weight Loss

Since I last wrote I have been working A LOT. It’s great and I have had fun ‘spending’ my earnings by checking out the various tours on offer however payday is still a while away and after my hectic start to my life in Broome I decided I deserved a rest therefore my first full day off was spent in the hostel. I was determined to take it easy and do nothing. Of course I’m not actually very good at doing nothing so I had a swim in the pool in the morning followed by a day on my lap top sorting through my many photos. It wasn’t the ‘nothing’ I’d planned but it was restful. I even extended my laziness to the next day as I wasn’t working until the evening and I was glad I did as the following two days at work were pretty full on. I’m still enjoying it but that doesn’t mean a full day doesn’t tire me out especially as we were busy due to the staircase to the moon phenomenon. This occurs as the moon rises when the tide is out and the reflection on the mud flats looks like a staircase leading up to the moon. Unfortunately I was working all three nights that this occurred but I have asked for the three nights off next month to see it since I miss out this time and it’s my last chance to see it before the wet. Since I have been working hard and the season is slowing down I am hopeful of getting at least two of them off, especially as I have said I’m happy to work during the day.

My next day off was a bit more active. I’d only worked the evening before so I felt fairly well rested and I was in the mood to explore. I decided to walk up to Cable Beach again and stop there for lunch and some sunbathing.  It’s only an hour walk from the hostel and it’s not very interesting but I wanted the exercise. I thought I might get some good photos once there so I made sure to pack my camera along with plenty of water and my flip flops but not cowpanion Zack. I had meant to take him but I forgot  so I shall have to go back another day with him to get someof the silly shots I enjoy taking so much, what a shame. I had walked there once before and it’s a fairly straight road with only one turn and yup, you guessed it, I took the wrong one! I missed my turn north and ended up heading south. My one hour five kilometre walk ended up being a three hour nine kilometre walk. Why three hours? Well having realised my mistake as I passed the turn off for Gantheaume Point I wondered whether I should just carry on to Gantheaume Point or turn north to Cable Beach. In the end it was my lack of water that decided it for me. I knew that there was nothing commercial at Gantheaume Point where as I could get food and water at Cable Beach even if it was further away now.

 I started to walk up the very boring road and my resolve wavered. I considered heading back to the hostel and calling it a day but since giving up isn’t really in my nature I carried on and I am so glad I did. Since the road is so boring I stopped to check out a sigh to see where I was and how far I had to go. On this sign there were some walks marked through the bush land beside the road. I was walking by myself and at first I didn’t like the idea of leaving the road. I had water and sunscreen and my hat so I was as protected as I could be from the weather but if I did fall or something at least on the road a car would pass and be able to help me but in the end my sense of adventure won out. After all she who goes half way round the world herself can’t be afraid to go off the well travelled path or what’s the point? I might’ve well have stayed at home. As well as walks north through the bush there was one marked through the dunes leading to the beach. I decided to try that one thinking the sea breeze would be a welcome relief from the heat that was starting to build up as the day wore on. I wandered off the road and through the dunes making sure to keep to the designated path and oh my was it a good idea. At first there was some bush land but soon I was amongst white sand dunes and then peeking out I saw the turquoise sea. Soon I was on a most deserted strip of beach with stunning sea views to my left and right. I saw maybe half a dozen people as I walked north stopping often to try and capture the beauty before me. I learned three things that day: 1. Always take my camera 2. Never be afraid to explore 3.Sometimes taking a wrong turn is exactly the right thing to do.

As I walked north the beach remained almost deserted until I was almost at the Cable Beach resort. All of a sudden it seem like there was a group of people ahead of me. Just before I reached them I stopped to reapply my sunscreen (for the 2^nd time that day by the way) and change from my Merrells to my flip flops and making sure I looked presentable enough to be seen by other people. Within minutes it felt like I was surrounded by people. I know that the beach was actually quite quiet as the season is coming to an end but after the quiet of the last few hours there seemed to be a lot of folks. At the beach the is a rather nice looking restaurant which has a kiosk for the less well dressed beach goers so I treated myself to a can of solo and a full chicken baguette. It may not seem like much to you but to me it was heaven.  The can was cool and refreshing, the baguette freshly made and really tasty and both were full of tasty calories. This simple meal was eaten with more stunning views and I once more found myself thinking how fortunate I was. I had been working hard but day like this makes it all worthwhile and I know there are more to come. Life was quite simply, amazing.

 It was back to reality the next day with washing and shopping to do before my evening shift but even then the gorgeous weather and laid back feel of the town meant it didn’t feel like a usual ‘Monday’. Sadly even in a place close to paradise the bad days can still get you. I decided to try some ginger beer as it is the lowest alcohol content drink we have but  even a small glass of that made me feel icky the next day and I’m not sure I have enough in common with the lovely folks I work with to really socialise with them. I suspect the after work drinking experiment has reached its natural conclusion.  This didn’t bother me but not feeling 100% and having pernickety/annoying/wanna be comedian customers made for a less than great day at work. Add to this the realisation that the three and half  year anniversary of Jonathan’s death is coming up soon and really, it was never going to be a great day. For those of you who don’t know the closest description I can give to missing Jonathan is like having really bad homesickness. It’s that feeling of wanting to be in a place that is impossible to get to. In other work is plain ol’ sucks. Anyway I got through the shift, put in a request for hugs on facebook and by the time I got back to the hostel I was feeling much better due to the responses of my faithful friends.

The next day I woke up to many facebook hugs so I started the day with a smile on my face. Also a good point from the day before was finding out I have two days off next week after I get paid so I might be able to take a two day tour to the Kimberlys before the wet and I got some tips which greatly increasing my dwindling cash reserves. Therefore I was able to take a walk up to the local shopping centre to get some extra veggies and some croissants after I had done my weekly weight in that was. What should I discover but that I am at my ‘ideal’ weight! I want to lose two more kilos so I have some leeway when it comes to maintaining my weight loss but it’s a great achievement and only took me fourteen weeks. As a consequence of this I am also considering spending some of my hard earned cash on some new clothes as my shorts in particular as way too big, happy days. The sad thing is when I see myself I still think I could do with losing a more weight. Everyone says I look great and have nothing left to lose so I will make sure my weight remains above 63kg. I know that to lose more would not be good I just wish I could see it. Hopefully some new clothes will help but until then I’ll have to make sure I keep eating well and keep an eye in the scales to make sure I stay healthy. Talking of which it is time for lunch here. I did consider allowing myself some extra pasta as a congratulatory treat but I decided that was a bit tame and am going for some chocolate tart at work instead, after all a girls gotta have one vice in life!

Hitting the Ground Running

It feels like I’m doing things back to front as per usual. When I arrived in Perth I took it easy. I’d had three weeks of not working before flying out so it wasn't like I was in need of a holiday but I had been there before and seen much of the sights so I wasn't anxious to explore nor was I looking for work at that time. So there I was in a busy city taking it easy. In contrast as soon as I arrived in Broome I asked about work. I knew I had enough money to survive for three weeks without employment but obviously the sooner I started earning the better. Therefore my first day in Broome was spent checking out the local restaurants, cafes and bars and handing out my CV. This also allowed me to familiarise myself with the town layout and get a feel for the place.

My job hunt was successful. I had a trial at my first choice place and it went really well. It was quiet but they liked me well enough to put me on the books and give me some weekend shifts. In fact I worked every day for the next week.  Though I have the basic skills it’ll take me time to learn the menu and how this place does things. It’s not fine dining but it is the most formal place I’ve worked so far and I like it. It’s got the small town feel I liked at the restaurant I learned in back home and I prefer the formality of this place to the casual dining of The Restaurant I worked in whilst in Perth. The staff here are more of a mix than The Restaurant.  There are some long term staff but mostly its backpackers filling the part time rolls where as in The Restaurant it was uni students. Don’t get me wrong I spent enough time as a student so I have nothing against them but these days I have more in common with the backpackers. I don’t think it ever occurred to the girls in The Restaurant that I might be educated never mind to what level. Anyway this place did ask how long I planned to stay and I said as long as there was work but really all they asked was that I give them notice when I plan to go. Since I have never left a job without giving notice this is one commitment I am happy to make.

One of the staff mentioned that there might be a room available but I found myself reluctant to take it. I like the hostel. I have made myself at home in my room and already I’ve grown used to the comings and goings of the other guests.  I’ve not had the chance to get to know any people yet but I’ve started to say hi to folk and swap small talk with some of the more obvious long term guests. I think if I moved now I would regret it and would miss out a large part of what I love about travelling, meeting folks. There is one girl in my room who is here long term. She works a lot but is friendly when our paths do cross. The girls passing through have been a mixed bag. There was an older Swiss lady who was on her 16^th visit to Australia and was stopping in Broome between tours. She was lovely and was happy to give advice on which tours to take and when to take them to get the most from the region. There was a younger Swiss girl who was also stopping between tours who I also got on with but after I started working I hardly saw her. Then there was an Asian, and English and Australian girl. Out of thee I only really had a chance to talk to the Australian. She was visiting from the east coast and had a week of day tours lined up. I would loved to have heard about them but again I’ve hardly seen her as I’ve been working most evenings! The English girl was stopping for a week of sun and fun and the other girl I didn’t get a chance to talk to except to complain that the hostel hadn’t fixed the fan in our room, prematurely it turned out as the engineers turned up within the next hour to fix it. We have two empty beds now and I am looking forward to see who will take them over next.

Though I have been working it’s mostly been evening shifts thus allowing m the chance to do some exploring during the day. The older Swiss lady told me about a market that was held every weekend and said it was worth visiting so I decided to walk there on Saturday morning. On my way out of the hostel I met the younger Swiss girl and we walked there together. It was nice to chat but we parted way on arrival as she was meeting friends and I had other plans. See, Saturday is my naughty day. It’s the start of my weight watchers points so I usually allow myself a treat out of my weekly points. I had decided to walk to McDonalds to treat myself to a Malteser McFlurry after the markets. Not a great plan I admit but one I was looking forward to. The markets were indeed worth seeing and I could easily have spent a fair whack of my money there but I was restrained and contented myself with looking for the moment. I then went for my McFlurry and internet fix since McDonalds also has the virtue of free wifi. Usually I don’t need it but when I went to top up my internet I discovered the sim had been disconnected the day before as I had not topped it up for the last six months. A quick call and a new sim was on its way but I would have to wait a few days before it arrived. Until then it was McDonalds and hostel internet. Since the hostel internet is extortionately expensive my online activity was severely restricted for my first week in Broome. As usual I got caught up in facebook and before I knew it I had to return to the hostel to get ready for my evening shift.

During the week I discovered that the laundry here is closed in the morning. On questioning the receptionist about alternatives I discovered that there was a Coles in town. Coles and Woolworths are alike Asda and Tesco back home and like most folk I have my preference and for me it’s Coles. I think it’s cheaper and their fruit and veg selection is better.  Therefore before work on Sunday I was happy to wander up to Coles to do a weekly shop. On my way I realised I had missed out a large part of the town in my previous wanderings. The town isn’t large so that meant maybe a dozen shops but still it was half the town centre! I shall definitely be returning once I get paid to try out some of the cafes and visit some of the more interesting shops. Of course that could take a while. I get paid fortnightly and since I started just before payday I have to wait just over two weeks for my first pay. Thanks to my savings from The Restaurant I won’t have to sleep on the beach and I won’t starve but neither will I be dining out or buying anything new for a while. I guess it’s enforced savings which in all honesty isn’t a bad thing. 

I was suppose to have a day off on the Monday but agreed to do a small evening shift which allowed me enough time to do my laundry and since I couldn’t do that until the afternoon it gave me the whole morning to explore. I was woken at 7am by the garbage trucks which suited me fine as it meant by 8am I was up, dressed, fed and out of the hostel. I had to make a quick stop at work to get my phone but then it was back to town beach where I gave my camera a proper workout. In fact I spent so long photographing the beach and the walk to it from my work that it was 10am before I was on my way to my actual destination for the day, the dinosaur footprints. If you know me well then you will know that I love dinosaurs, I’m like a 5 years old kid the minute you mention them. Unfortunately because I took so long getting there the tide was coming in so I couldn’t see them however the stunning scenery kept me entertained and it was still worth the walk. The nice thing about being here for a while is knowing I can go back and time my journey better next time so that I have a better chance of seeing them. I also saw an Osprey nest and again put my camera to good use zooming in as close as I could to try get a better look and capture it. So entranced by my surroundings was I that it was 2pm before I was back at the hostel and I had to rush to get my washing on. Fortunately there was a free machine and space on the line. I also took the opportunity of the hot weather to wash out my small rucksack which was definitely overdue. The hot weather also meant that despite my late start my uniform was ready just in time for work. You gotta love a tropical climate.

The next day my system got a double shock. The first was a 6am start as I had my first breakfast shift. We were down a member of staff but I think I did ok and I got to finish at 3pm leaving me at a bit of a loss at what to do with myself. It was at this point my system received its second shock as I used my staff drink to taste all our speciality beers. I only had large shot of each beer but seven of them was enough to make me feel decidedly light headed and I felt quite ‘floaty’ on the walk back to the hostel. Once there I had an early dinner and decided to take myself off to my room to read a book. It might not have been the most exciting evening ever but after my hectic week it was a well deserved rest.