No Regrets

One of the ‘rules’ I live by is to not regret my mistakes. I believe that they are an important part of who I am and therefore should not be regretted. However I recently forgot that not regretting them does not mean I have a license to repeat them. The reason I should not regret them is because I should learn from them. When I started travelling I knew that a lot of people wouldn’t understand. I am living my life very differently to most people and when I first left I still had a lot of grief to work though and a lot of sorting out in my head to do. I still maintain that I was not running away. I was radically redirecting my life on to a path that I could live with. My trip to Australia was an undoubted success but that doesn’t mean I’m there yet. I am on the right path I know but I can still lose my way. Recently I think I’ve been veering off that path in into dangerous waters.

I’m human I make mistakes but whilst to err is human to repeat the same mistakes under the impression that if you keep making them even though you know you’re in the wrong you are somehow in control is just plain foolishness and that makes you a dumb ass. It’s taken me a while but I have finally worked out what I want from my ‘new’ life. I made the choice that I want to travel and see the world and as such I will have to come to terms with the fact that there will be sacrifices to make. I will miss birthdays. The chances of finding someone to have an actual proper relationship with are minimal. The people I love most will be at least a day away from me at all times.  However if I can come to terms with these and other facts I will see the world. I will meet many amazing people from all over the world, people who have made the same sacrifices as me and then some and have reaped the rewards.

I have come a long way in the last year and I know I’m not the person I was when I left the last time but that doesn’t mean I’m done just yet.  Recently I’ve been so busy being proud of how far I’ve come I forgot for a while that there is still a long way to go. I thought I would hate my 30^th birthday but I didn’t. On the day I felt calm and at peace with the person I was becoming. Since then I’ve stalled and veered off track a little but I think I’m getting back on track now.  I have made mistakes but finally I am learning from them. This time at home has allowed me to look back and see the good and the bad in the person I have become. Hopefully during my next adventure I will be able to nurture the good parts and let go of the bad. No matter what happens and where I end up I know one thing: I never want to stop believing in the person I know I can become and want to be again.