Tuesday, 14 April 2015

March 2014: When the Novelty Wears Off

Whilst February had been a busy month with me managing to fit in some socialising around my busy work life March saw the hectic schedule I was keeping catch up with me. By the time it rolled around I was ill and sleeping a lot. I’m not sure if it was the stress from the new job, the number of hours I was working or the fact that the 5 year anniversary of Josh’s death was approaching. Or maybe it’s just the number of strangers I see every day. Whatever the reason, I was ill and I set new records for sleep. As in 2013 I worked my normal hours though I did tell my staff they had to be extra nice to me to help me cope. They were and I did. Though my boss seemed at a loss at why after five years it should still be so hard for me. I can understand that if you’ve never had such a loss that it would be confusing so I just let it go and try not to bring it up with her. It does still hurt though and I know most people reading this understand that. For one I still miss him. Also 5 years is half the time we were together. So much has changed for me in those 5 years and life has continued to surprise me. Every time I think I know what I’ll do next something else happens and I change my mind. I’m at peace with how I live my life and where I’m at. I’m happy that for the first time in while I’m working towards something and not making it up week to week.  However I am looking forward to the next adventure when I can stop planning for a while again. But where ever I am and whatever I am doing I know there will be times when I miss Josh so very much. There will be times when it still hurts. Mostly though there will be times when I remember him and smile and think, look what I’m doing now and know that he would be proud, if some what confused.

In between the work and the soul searching I also managed to fill out the visa application and send off for my UK police certificate.  I had decided to stay and thought it was about time that I get the paper work done so I could keep on working. After all as challenging as my job was for the first time in years I could honestly say I wasn’t bored. Also I rather liked my flatmates and our flat so that made life easier. I might have been struggling but still thought that staying put was the right thing for me to do.

He was my favourite chapter, in fact he was more.
He was a book that ended too soon.
He was the best in a series that isn't the same without him.
He was the foundation of my story.
He is never forgotten.

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